Early in my twenties, I had a job I loved. I was productive, creative, dependable… and, as far as I knew, doing a pretty great job.
There was just one problem. Once a month, like clockwork, I had to call in sick on a Friday.
I was experiencing menstrual migraines related to my birth control (I didn’t know that was the cause at the time). These migraines were debilitating enough that occasionally, I simply couldn’t work.
My boss, however, apparently had a different explanation. She thought I was faking to just have a fun three-day weekend once a month. It wasn’t until months later, after I had changed birth control, the headaches went away, and I stopped needing to take regular sick days, that my boss shared her thoughts (and frustrations) with me.
That experience taught me something I’ve carried ever since: we can be doing everything right and still be misunderstood.
Our brains are constantly trying to make sense of incomplete information. We make assumptions based on patterns, past experiences, and what we can observe. The problem is that an assumption can feel like a fact… especially when we don’t have the full story.
My boss saw a pattern: Friday paid time off. Once a month.
She didn’t see the migraine. And because I didn’t know what she was thinking at the time, I couldn’t correct the story she had created.
There’s a lesson here for both sides.
As leaders and colleagues, we need to be careful about turning observations into conclusions. And as individuals, we need to remember that someone else’s perception of us is not necessarily reality.
You may be experiencing something others cannot see. You also may be carrying a story someone else has created about you. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we will be misunderstood. That doesn’t make their perception true.
Your job is not to control every story people tell about you.
It’s to know your own story well enough that someone else’s version doesn’t become your truth.